10 stages of dieting

I recently took to somethingyousaid.com to talk about why I’d rather be chubby ( http://somethingyousaid.com/2014/03/24/reasons-im-chubby/ )… Now I’m almost back onto the diet bandwagon in prep for Hawaii 1-5 (see what I did there? I’m sorry, poor effort). I’ve booked a spinning class and everything. With that in mind I realised that I’m very much a victim of a particular cycle, I think a few of you may feel my pain…..


1. Best intentions

A pound a week is over 4 stone a year. Usually accompanied by a diet buddy/slimming club/an hour on Pinterest searching words like “gym motivation.” This phase is extremely successful, mainly because it’s a lot of talking about what you’re going to do and not a lot of actually doing.
Spot this stage: You’ve bought new matching gym clothes; you’re googling low fat and/or quinoa recipes at any given opportunity; you’ve drawn up a gym rota.


2. Cracking on
You mean it this time. You’re going to be a mean, lean bikini wearing Mach- oh. You get the idea.  Pinterest is helping you even more and you mention what you have eaten, want to eat, or wish you could eat in most sentences.
Spot this stage: You’re food diary-ing and calorie counting to your hearts content. Also weighing yourself morning noon and night. Also likely to balance on the scales after having a poo.

3 Am I thin yet?
You’re 4 days in (ish) and you think you can see results. Everyone who knows you’re dieting is greeting you with “have you lost weight?”
Spot this stage: you keep inhaled when you walk past anything reflective.

4. Cravings
You could eat anything and everything, in particular anything bread-y/cakey/sweet/fried. And there’s junk food EVERYWHERE.
Spot this stage: everything looks and tastes great. Apart from vegetables. 
5. Justifying junk
But I’m going to the gym tomorrow. If I don’t treat myself sometimes this won’t be sustainable. Even athletes have a cheat day.
Spot this stage: See above
6. Giving in
You’ve succumb to point 5. It feels great.
Spot this stage: you’re surrounded by empty food wrappers and feel that wonderful, familiar sleepy-fullness that you associate with your happy place.

7. Regret
You didn’t need it. Your too full. That pizza wasn’t as good as you’d anticipated  and was 4 days worth of diet food. AND IT’S ONLY DAY 5.
Spot this stage: you’re kicking yourself. And you know in your heart it was so not worth it.
8. Time to restart
You’re dangerously close to getting back on Pinterest.
Spot this stage: you’re telling anyone who’ll listen that you needed to fall of the horse to show yourself how great healthy eating and exercise is

9. But not now. Monday. Monday’s a good start day.
You know it makes sense.
Spot this stage: you’re thinking about how much fun you need to have this weekend before you get back on it- for real this time.
10. Back to (1). 
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