Hands up who saw that 2009 comedy smash hit (let’s use the terms loosely, shall we?), Bride wars?
Yep, plenty of you. In case you didn’t, and to avoid you having to waste a valuable hour and half before enjoying this tastily passive aggressive post, I’ll give you a synopsis.
Best friends Olivia Kerner and Emma Allen played by Kate Hudson and Anne Hathaway are both engaged (not to each other) and their weddings are scheduled for the same day. Before long there’s competition between the two, each wanting their wedding to be more extravagant and better than the other’s. Needless to say they fall out. Then, in true movie style, they realise how silly they’re been and how much they miss each other and the moral of the story is- drum roll please- that it was all extremely stupid and they are besties and shouldn’t have been in competition at all. Or something.
Well that seems quite obvious, doesn’t it?
A wedding is a means to an ends, really. As in, its the marriage that matters, not the day. Remember that teeny detail?
2014 marked a milestone in equality for same sex couples who can now legally marry, much to the disappointment of the church who have some argument about the sanctity of marriage or some shit. Can I, at this stage, use this blog as a platform to point out that not all straight people were respecting the sanctity of marriage anyway? What about when they allowed Britney’s annulment after a drunken night in Vegas? And the massive number of divorces shows that unfortunately, marriage often isn’t forever. Perhaps that’s because there’s often so much pressure on making that one day perfect, forgetting that the forever that follows is a hella long time.
Too political? Okay, I’m moving on.
My wedding (and I know I’m flying dangerously close to being one of those annoying brides-to-be, so I’ll keep it relatively brief) is going to be the happiest day of my life. Because I’m spending it with the people I love; my love, my family, her family who will then be my family, and friends who I can rely on. An intimate day that I’ll treasure. Minimal fuss. I’m not nervous. There’s no risk of cold feet. There’s nothing that worries me about it.
But Bridewars, I’ve discovered, is real. It’s a characature of the unfortunate, passive aggressive state of affairs that actually happens. Although in real life instead of actual rows and comedy mishaps, it’s more of a competitive undercurrent. Just awful.
Maybe this has become apparent now because I’m wedding planning, or because I’m at an age where I know a lot of couples who are recently engaged or soon to marry. I know people having small weddings, people having huge, fancy do’s. Either is fine. Whatever you want, there’s just three things I ask.
1. Don’t compete with me.
I don’t give a shit if you’re getting married in a church or a caravan. I don’t care if your dress is designer. I don’t care if the doves you’re releasing shit gold dust and glitter. I hope your day is simply beautiful, I’m sure it will be, but please choose things you like. Choose things that say something about you. Choose things that mean something. Because it really isn’t a competition, it’s meant to be the start of the rest of your life. It’d be a real shame to finish second before you’ve started because you’ve forgotten something vital; that it should all be about love.
2. Be sure.
I’m a true believer that when you know you just know. So if you’re a doubting Thomas I think it says a lot. There’s so much more I could say here but I’m at serious risk of overstepping the mark.
3. Have a happy, healthy life.
Remember that following the big day, the wedding breakfast, the gallons of champagne, the honeymoon. When your gowns on ebay and your Facebook countdown’s finished. Remember that you have forever to spend with this person. Make the most of it. Don’t sleep on an argument. Don’t take them for granted. Remember to laugh.
Remember there’s a life beyond the wedding day.
Finally, I should wish my fellow brides the best of luck. I hope your day and your lives after that are as beautiful as you.