Things NOT to say to Lesbians

Did I mention I’m gay? 

Sometimes I even write for Diva Magazine!


In case I haven’t mentioned it in five fucking minutes I thought I’d write this post about things people say when they find out you’re gay that annoy me to the core of my being.

The actual cake my friends had made for my hen do
  • Oh my friend/relation/co-worker is gay

Do you want a pat on the back? You know another gay person.

  • Oh that must be the best thing about being gay [sharing clothes/no men/other]

There are a lot of things I love about being with a woman, top of that list is not having double the amount of blouses            to choose from for work. Although it is good. Also, did you get the memo this isn’t a choice? 

  • So which of you is the man?

You missed the point back there didn’t you?

  • “I can never get my boyfriend to clean. It must be so easy for you” 

That my wife isn’t as much of a dickhead as your boyfriend? Also, do you know what you’re saying is hugely sexist? This little gem was said to me as the hairdresser put my hair up for my actual wedding. 

  • I don’t have a problem with anyone being gay but…” 

 Similar to no offence but, you’re about to use the end of that sentence to say that you’re a closet homophobe, aren’t you? Move along.

  • I hope none of my children end up gay – not that I have a problem with you.” Likewise “How did your parents take it?” 

 There’s a number of issues with this. My biggest one is again that you’re showing that although you’re paying me lip service, you’re actually just a massive bigot. My family are happy that I’m in a happy and healthy relationship thank you, it’s irrelevant to them that it’s with a woman. And you’ll be lucky if your snotty brat ends up half as fabulous as I am, don’t worry about their sexuality, worry that you’re not doing as good a job at parenting as my parents did. SNAP SNAP.

  • But don’t you want to have kids?” 

It’s not 1950. Also, check out your ‘how not to be sexist’ handbook if you’re asking women this but not men. 

  • Oh, it’s just you don’t look like a lesbian

I forgot my glitter sash and my speakers to play P!nk on a loop as I walk aroun or I’m not in my standard issue Lesbian Uniform. Sorry about that. 

The list goes on. And on and on. 

Maybe I could get this post printed into a foldable pamphlet as a handy guide and hand them out at big events?

What do people say that annoys you? 

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