What happened in my head when I watched GBBO. Episode 1.

You know what I thought would be fun? Watching Great British Bake Off and publishing all the things I think and say for you to read alongside catching up, or just nod and laugh at. 

And in case you wondered I typed this on realtime [and corrected after].

They’re making Paul’s fave cake. 

The drizzle cake.

Mary’s expecting the unexpected.

Love the shit Reverend baker from bolton. [Shit at baking, not being a rev.]

Are they going to attach significant family events to everything? (Mrs wife)

Kate  just said she likes the flavour of the cox(?!)

Mary’s loving Tom the Project manager’s (what is that job?!) Gin cake. Obvs.

Sue loves the boob drizzle cakes.


I hate the aerospace engineer whose thing is obviously being SO SPECIFIC.

She just picked flowers/food from the floor :/ 

Benjamina’s is PERF!

Can’t find the blackberry in Kates…

Gluten free made it like a pudding. Whoops. 

Too little lemon in a lemon drizzle cake. Mrs Wife doesn’t like his attitude. 

Jane cried over her good feedback after a cockup. Cayoor. 

Make 12 jaffa cakes?!

Paul dunks his jaffas!

They look so good. SO GOOD.

They have to make jelly.

It’s so self aware, these days.

I like the sassy purple lipstick  lady.

I knew about the dull choc from GCSE food product design

Kate’s nailed it. 

What’s her name? The one Mrs wife will fancy? Candice (candees or candiss).

He needs taking down a peg or 2.

It’s  can-diss.

Ooh mixed results 

I like the tents new colour scheme.

What the eff’s a miraglace? 

Oh mirror glaze.

Mary’s looking for sheer perfection. Not much then.


Benjamina’s sounds perfect.

Concentrate Selasi.

Her lips really are teeny.

It’s Andrew.  Andrew that I hate.

Matchatea sponge. Is going to be terrible. 

Candiss is starting again?!

Loads of them are!

I hate the word genache .

Lee is going for keeping it simple

Mushy peas?

Guzberry? Gooseberry . 

That’s the cake?! You used to make a mirror glaze cake with your kids? 

His genache has ge-none (Mrs wife)

How do you spell gen ache?  Is it Che? Yes.

Uhoh. Freezer wars.

Don’t cry Benjamina. *don’t cry for me Benjamina* to the tune of evita.

That’s shiny.

I’d use dark chocolate. It’s naturally shinier.

People are dropping cakes all over!

The mixer looks weird from that angle…

Jane: too much chocolate orange Jane.  But Paul days less is more. Don’t cry every time.

That’s basically a massive jaffa cake though.

Smashing shine, Rav. Shit texture. 

Too little flavour this time.

Knew matcha tea wouldn’t work.

Blue isn’t a great icing colour. 

Stop saying GUZBERRIES

Bet his is PERF 


It isn’t good? It looked good to me. 

The mirror let him down but it’s a good review.

Val annoys me but that’s shiney. 

Lee’s gone too simple AND too busy


Smashing shine, B.

Simple and perfect. 

Paul loves it. 

Praline and white chocolate is always gunna be a winner.

Look at those balls!

That lipstick really is lovely. What colour is that?

Val’s cute.

I’m voting for B as star baker or Slesi. And Andrew to go.

Paul’s saying how simple the challenges are. Simple is those just add an egg sachets Paul, not making a jaffa from scratch!

Mel’s hair is so underrated.


Crying again. 

The person leaving us today is…


Omg I guessed it!!

Are Mary’s eyes real?

Oh fuck off, Val.

Same time next week?


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